Loving Yourself

Contact Me for Help

The Second Greatest Commandment

Christian Guidance & Wellness Center

By Susan E. Barth, Founder, Spiritual Director

"Enlightenment for your Body, Mind and Spirit"

April 2, 2025, Article II

I initially considered writing about “Forgiveness” in alignment with the Lenten season. However, I believe that understanding and practicing self-love is a fundamental step for all relationships, including our devotion to God.  It is crucial to truly comprehend and embrace the concept of loving oneself, and forgiving oneself is an integral part of this process. Therefore, I would like to emphasize the importance of self-love as a foundational step in our journey together.

The concept of self-love is unfamiliar to many of us. It wasn’t until I found myself in an abusive marriage that I discovered the importance of loving myself.  Growing up, the idea was never discussed, and my environment did not provide encouragement for learning to feel good about myself.  While autonomy was highly valued in our household, acknowledgment was rare.  I’m not even sure if the term “self-esteem” was used back in the 1970s.  I know that mental health was just starting to be utilized.  So, imagine my surprise when I found myself in a support group in 1988 with the facilitator mentioning our need to “love ourselves.”  Wow, I never even thought about that concept before, but I liked the idea because currently, I didn’t love myself, I didn’t even like myself, and worse off, I didn’t even like my husband.  Consequently, I felt as though I was trapped in a pit from which I would never escape. Thankfully, I discovered that learning to love myself was one of the most rewarding and effortless endeavors I have ever undertaken. Through this process, I was able to establish a functional relationship with my now ex-husband and learned to love others unconditionally. 

The esteemed Pastor, Greg Laurie of Harvest Ministries, whom I admire and have listened to for many years, firmly suggests that loving oneself is over-rated.  I hope and believe he is alluding to self-love being equated with pampering ourselves, entitlement, or indulging in luxuries that many substitute for genuine love.  This is one of the biggest societal problems we face.  It leads to self-destruction through substance abuse, divorce, codependency, entitlement and more.  It is ego driven.  True self-love means recognizing our worth and value as children of God.  As taught by Jesus in Matthew 22:37-39 He says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all you mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.”  This profound directive underscores the importance of self-love as the foundation for genuinely loving others.  However, many of us struggle with self-love, which hampers our ability to extend love to those around us or to maintain healthy relationships.  We are filled with insecurities, so it is essential to develop a healthy self-love for ourselves. 

The most powerful aspects of self-love is recognizing our divine identity.  As children of God, we are inherently valuable and worthy of love.  This realization can transform our lives, helping us to see ourselves through the lens of divine love and acceptance.  Our worth is not determined by external factors such as achievements, possessions, or social status.  Instead, it is rooted in our identity as children of God.  When we understand our worth, we can approach life with a sense of purpose and fulfillment.  Recognizing our divine identity also involves embracing our potential.  We are each endowed with unique talents and abilities that can be used to serve others and glorify God.

By embracing our potential, we can contribute positively to the world around us.  To discover this truth, we only need to pick up the Bible and read how much God loves us.  You will also learn what He expects from us.  This combination is the design for a successful life.  When we accept His love and gifts, and in turn love, honor and obey Him, it will change everything about our existence.  Life becomes less burdensome, and more joy filled. 

So, how do we attain or begin to nurture self-love? Here are a few essential dispositions we must develop to truly love ourselves:

We must learn to accept ourselves as we are, without judgement or criticism.  Self-acceptance is not always an easy thing to do.  It is looking at yourself from God’s view rather than from a world view.  If God loved us enough to create us, we certainly should honor His creation.  Psalm 139:13-14 says, “For you created my innermost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know this full well.” Self-acceptance is the cornerstone of self-love.  It involves embracing our imperfections and understanding that they are part of what makes us unique.  When we accept ourselves, we can approach life with confidence and authenticity. However, because we are human, we will fall, but the good news is, being a child of God, we can turn to our Lord in sorrow and repentance and be forgiven.  He forgives us immediately, “as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” Psalm 103:12.  Self-doubt and self-pity have no place in a Spirit filled soul.  In 2 Timothy 1:7 it says, “For God has not given us a Spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind.”  Yes, we do need to have a contrite heart and be accountable for our actions, but we can then forge forward without guilt and shame making the right choices in the future.  When you are filled with the Holy Spirit, this will become natural. (Contact me if you need help in this area by clicking on the button above or cgwcinfo@gmail.com)

It is essential to take the time to nurture ourselves. Self-care encompasses activities such as exercising, eating healthily, getting adequate sleep, reading the Bible, meditating, engaging in hobbies that bring us joy, and serving others. Volunteering can be transformative, allowing us to forget our problems while making a positive impact.  By prioritizing self-care, we ensure that we have the energy and resilience to face life’s challenges.  First Corinthians 6:19-20 tells us,” Do you now know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price.  Therefore, honor God with your bodies.”  Neglecting self-care diminishes our capacity to care for others.  Nourishing our spiritual selves regularly by being in the Word of God daily is very important.  In Proverbs 4, which is a wonderful and highly recommended reading, we are advised to “…pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words.  Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body.” Taking the time to treasure our body, mind, and spirit is imperative for self-love.

Self-compassion involves treating ourselves with kindness, especially during challenging times. It means offering ourselves the same empathy and understanding that we would extend to a friend.  Many of us struggle with this, often being overly critical and harsh on ourselves, which can be detrimental.  While accountability is important, it can be approached in a loving manner.  The motive of self-compassion should not be selfish, but life giving.  By practicing self-compassion, we can navigate life's ups and downs with grace and resilience.  In 1 Peter 3:4 it says to “let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”  Self-compassion includes positive self-talk.  This involves replacing negative thoughts and words with affirming and encouraging ones.  By practicing positive self-talk, we can boost our confidence and cultivate a sense of self-worth.  This practice is crucial.  Instead of condemning yourself, stop that thought and replace it with a positive one. An example may be, “I am such an idiot” replacing it with “I made a mistake.  I will do better next time.” or “This may not have been the best idea, but I learned something valuable.”  Although it may feel unnatural at first, with continued practice you will begin to speak to yourself in a loving way.

Cultivating self-love is a lifelong journey that requires intentionality and practice. Seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional can be invaluable in our journey towards self-love. Having a support system can provide us with the encouragement and guidance needed to navigate life’s challenges. Be cautious, however, of anyone who hinders your growth or does not want you to succeed.  Most likely, they will be lacking self-love and be unable to provide fruit.  It may be helpful to make a list of the areas you want to start nurturing. Here are some ideas which may help you:

Living authentically means being true to ourselves and our values, even when others do not understand. It involves making choices that align with our beliefs and passions, rather than conforming to societal expectations. When we live authentically, we can experience a deep sense of fulfillment and joy.

Setting boundaries is essential for protecting our well-being. It involves saying no to activities or relationships that drain our energy and saying yes to those that nourish us. By setting boundaries, we can prioritize our needs and maintain a healthy balance in our lives. 

Practicing gratitude is a powerful tool for cultivating self-love. By focusing on the positive aspects of our lives and expressing gratitude for them, we can shift our mindset and cultivate a sense of contentment. 

In conclusion, loving ourselves is essential for living a fulfilling and meaningful life and to maintain healthy relationships. By understanding the second greatest commandment and recognizing our divine identity, we can cultivate self-love and extend that love to our neighbors. Through self-acceptance, self-care, and self-compassion, we can embrace our worth and potential, living authentically and joyfully. Remember, you are a child of God, and you are worthy of love and respect.

Verses on God’s love for us; John 3:16, Romans 5:8, 1 John 3:1, Romans 8:37-39, 1 John 4;16, Ephesians 2:4-5

God’s forgiveness ; 1 John 1:9, Ephesians 1:7, Matthew 6:14-15, Colossians 3:13

Knowing God’s Word; Hebrews 4:12, 2 Tim 3:16-17, Matthew 24:35, Colossians 3:16, Luke 11:28, 2 Peter 3:18,

www.christianguidanceandwellness.com  Phone: 772-269-5644, Email: cgwcinfo@gmail.com 

CGWC, All Rights Reserved 2025