Reflections on Love, Faith and the Sanctity of Marriage:

Strategies for Ensuring Its Future

 by Susan E. Barth, SCC-C, BCMMHC,

Spiritual Christian Counselor and Wellness Instructor

July 25, 2025, Article III

How Seasons of the Heart Lead Us Home

They say that summer is the season of love—a time when sunlight spills generously onto our lives, coaxing hope and longing from even the most shadowed corners of the heart. It is in this season, amid the warmth and fullness of possibility, that I find myself pondering the sanctity of marriage and the enduring mystery of true love. 

I did not arrive at this contemplation unscathed. I had known the painful unraveling of vows spoken without the bedrock of spiritual unity. Twice, I entered marriages in which, looking back, I realized that God was not at the center. The ache of those endings etched a deep skepticism into my soul, convincing me, for a time, that I would never marry again. The word “never” seemed to promise safety—a shield against future heartbreak.

Yet, even as I turned away from the institution of marriage, my capacity to give and receive love did not wither. Instead, it found new soil. Through the gentle embrace of church community, the steadfast warmth of friendships, and the bonds of family, I understood that love is not confined to romantic partnership. It is a force that weaves itself through every authentic connection, an ever-renewing wellspring. Most transformative of all, I learned to love God with a fullness that I had never embraced before.

Twelve years as a single parent became an unexpected pilgrimage—a journey inward, and upward, toward grace. In the quiet, everyday acts of devotion and care, I became refined. I sifted through the remnants of my former self, discarding the weight of self-centeredness and impatient demands. In their place, I cultivated patience, thoughtfulness, and a gentle kindness toward others. The daily discipline of loving my children, my community, and my Creator restructured my very being.

Through this transformation, a powerful realization took root within me: I did, in fact, passionately believe in marriage, but the shape of that belief had changed. No longer was it a matter of convention or desire alone; it was a sacred calling, one that could only be answered in partnership with someone equally grounded in faith. For me, marriage had become not only a covenant between two people, but a tapestry interwoven with the threads of spiritual purpose and mutual devotion. I came to understand that the sanctity of marriage is not found in flawless

beginnings or the promise of perpetual happiness. It is revealed in the willingness to grow, to be humbled, and to choose love—sometimes fiercely, sometimes quietly—again and again. True love is not a lightning strike, but the steady tending of a shared fire, sustained by patience, compassion, and trust in something greater than ourselves.

The Seasons of Learning and Unlearning

I honor the seasons of singleness, heartbreak, and healing, for they sculpted me into the partner I am now. The summer of my spirit is marked not by perfection, but by an openness to love rooted in faith. I chose not to seek love for its own sake, but to entrust God to gently release it into my hands, if it was His will. Against the odds, He blessed me with the greatest gift: a selfless, loving husband. For fifteen years, our marriage has been built upon a foundation of deep-seated faith, fostering gratitude for each day, month, and year we share.

The lessons gleaned from my journey are profound. I realized that many of us were never taught the behaviors essential for a successful marriage. The true meaning of commitment—and the requirements it demands—are often misunderstood or overlooked. Some are fortunate to witness love modeled by their parents, while others are not. Yet, regardless of our beginnings, we alone have the power to change our circumstances.

The initial infatuation and excitement in a relationship inevitably diminish over time. It is crucial not to mistake this early spark for genuine love, as such confusion can lead to disappointment and heartache, as I have experienced. When children are involved, the stakes are even higher; their emotional well-being is profoundly influenced by the joy and sorrow of the adults who guide them. Therefore, selecting the right partner is one of the most consequential decisions we will ever make, shaping every aspect of our future.

Transformation Through Self-Reflection

Preparing for a healthy marriage begins with self-awareness and honest preparation. I firmly believe that a marriage is unlikely to be healthy unless each individual is happy and content on their own, without relying on another for validation. Transforming oneself into someone worthy of a relationship is one of the most worthwhile endeavors you will ever undertake. We must also strive to become the kind of person we wish to marry. Ask yourself,

“Would I want to marry me?” and answer honestly, “Why or why not?” Through the seasons of personal growth, we can become a healthy potential mate.

A practice I recommend using is rooted in the wisdom of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. You begin by inserting your name/pronoun into each place where the scripture speaks of love. For example: “Susan is patient, Susan is kind, she does not envy, she does not boast...” Rewrite the verses using your own name/pronoun. Read them aloud. Reflect on where you fall short and how you plan to change. Learning to love is not a passive act; it involves practicing selflessness and serving others. It is fruitful to get into the habit of thinking about how you can make someone else’s day a little better each day. Volunteering is a powerful place to begin this process. When you become the best version of yourself, you will attract the best partner for yourself.

After this self-reflection, take time to manifest what truly matters to you in a potential spouse. Make a comprehensive list of qualities you desire—faith, kindness, stability, humor, flexibility, respect, financial stability, and so on. Prioritize those attributes you are unwilling to compromise on, and then identify where flexibility is possible. Know that preferences may evolve as you grow, that is natural. But never betray your deepest convictions, for doing so leads down the unhealthy path of codependency. The goal is for healthy interdependency.

When selecting a life partner, the most crucial element is friendship. As previously mentioned, when the initial sparks fade, it is essential to evaluate whether each other's company continues to bring you joy. Do you look forward to being together? Are you supportive of each other’s dreams? Do you share mutual goals and aspirations? Are you confident that you will be supportive of one another (have each other’s back)? Can you envision life without the other? This is the person with whom you will navigate life's many seasons.  A successful marriage is characterized by both partners striving to ensure each other's happiness while maintaining a healthy level of autonomy. Building a strong friendship will guide you appropriately and become the most rewarding.  If you have doubts, it is advisable to proceed slowly and take additional time to evaluate the relationship until you are certain.  It may not be the right time or the right person.  Trust that God has a plan for you, one that is better than you could ever comprehend. 

The Reality of Marriage: Storms and Shelter

We cannot ignore the rising prevalence of divorce. Each year, countless couples enter what they believe is a lasting bond of marriage, only to find themselves navigating the turbulent waters of separation and dissolution.  It is necessary to consider not only the reasons why marriages end, but also the attitudes, beliefs, and preparations that will help couples build enduring partnerships in any stage in life.

Marriage is a complex union, subject to numerous internal and external pressures. Many couples, swept up in the excitement and cultural expectation of matrimony, may enter marriage without fully considering the lifelong implications of their commitment.  Hence, here are some of the most common reasons divorce takes place:

·       Lack of Compatibility: Entering marriage for the wrong reasons often leads to conflict when couples discover they do not share core values or visions for the future.  If there is any uncertainty, it is crucial to examine these concerns before moving forward. 

·       Communication Breakdown: A marriage thrives on open, honest dialogue.  Failure to discuss important matters—ranging from finances to family dynamics can create misunderstandings and resentment.  Resentment turns into contempt and contempt is a strong indication that the relationship is headed on a downward slope. 

·       Unresolved Issues: Personal, friendship or family concerns, if unaddressed, can fester and drive emotional distance. Preparation and openness are essential for maintaining a healthy relationship.

·       Unrealistic Expectations: Viewing marriage as a solution to personal or relational problems leads to disappointment. The reality of living with another person’s quirks and habits must be accepted with open eyes and a compassionate heart.  A longer courtship will help alleviate doubt and stabilize your union.

The Role of Transparency in Strengthening Bonds

Before entering into marriage, it is important for couples to embark not only on the journey of self-reflection, but also of transparent discussion. Any deep-seated doubts about a partner or the union itself are red flags flapping in the wind.  Some helpful areas for discussion include:

·       Family Dynamics: Every individual brings their unique family history, traditions, and expectations into a marriage. It is important to discuss any concerns related to in-laws, extended relatives, or ex-spouses, particularly when blending families. Parenting approaches, discipline, and the integration of children from previous relationships are areas where clear communication is vital. As family psychologist Dr. Phil notes, step-parents should avoid taking the primary disciplinary role, as this often breeds resentment. Instead, stepparents can best be supportive by reinforcing the biological parent’s authority and providing consistent, loving guidance.  As a couple, deciding whether you want to have children or not, how they will be disciplined, and how they will be cared for is of supreme importance.  Proactively addressing these topics can prevent misunderstandings and foster a sense of unity.

·       Behavioral Concerns: It is common to hope undesirable habits or behaviors will change over time; however, research and experience suggest that such issues are more likely to intensify than fade.  Addressing behavioral concerns before marriage—with honesty and compassion—can spare both partners from future disappointment. It is important to recognize that some behaviors are non-negotiable, such as physical or emotional abuse, infidelity, and substance abuse, etc. If either person is troubled by recurring patterns, seeking professional counseling can bring clarity, reassurance, and offer pathways for growth. This proactive approach demonstrates respect for oneself and one’s future spouse.

·       Life Logistics: The logistics of daily life—routines, work schedules, financial management, household responsibilities—may seem mundane, yet they often give rise to the most persistent conflicts in marriage. Couples should discuss how they will divide chores, balance career ambitions with family life, and manage finances openly. Who will handle bills? How will they approach saving, spending, and debt? These discussions can be uncomfortable but approaching them with transparency and flexibility lays the groundwork for harmony and success.

Laying everything on the table before marriage is not just wise—it is essential. Any problem or potential issue deserves frank discussion. Doing so fosters trust and builds a strong foundation.  It shows respect for each other's perspectives and feelings.  You are divorce proofing your marriage before it even begins.

A Faith Based Marriage

When approaching marriage from a faith-based perspective, it is important to recognize that the conflicts are not always challenges with one's partner or person, but from unseen forces that seek to undermine unity and love. Forces that desire to divide or destroy. By acknowledging these challenges, couples can stand together, rather than against one another, and cultivate resilience rooted in shared beliefs. In a healthy marriage, love between partners remains steadfast even in times of hurt or anger. There is no better feeling in marriage than to argue with each other and know that no matter what, you will overcome these difficulties together, with love.

In a world where divorce is increasingly common, the antidote lies in ensuring that God is at the center of your union, as well as conscious preparation, honest communication, and a willingness to address potential problems before they become insurmountable.  There will be times when disagreements arise or emotions run high; these are the moments when you must draw upon your faith and lead with respect and empathy, even if you agree to disagree.  Marriage is not a static state but an ongoing act of commitment—one that requires continual investment, adaptability, and understanding.

By laying a strong foundation, couples can weather the inevitable storms and build a union that endures the tests of time.  In the end, the truest love is not something we stumble upon, but something we become, both individually and as a couple. This growing love fills a home, and a home filled with love is filled with God.

For more information on how to strengthen your marriage, go to:

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